5 things I like about being Minnesotan

1. We are the BEST drivers in the world. When it comes to winter blizzards and driving, we are the experts. Minnesotans…the only people willing to risk their lives for a gallon of milk during a blizzard.

2. The change of seasons. This means something different to everyone…from winter to spring, spring to summer, summer to fall, fall back to winter….you know the drill. Not only is this really nice, but it also seems to piss us off at the same time. Minnesotans…bipolar???

3. The cold winters. The temperatures in the winter are enough to keep bugs and allergies at bay…along with the annoying southerners from Florida and Texas. Minnesotans….Xenophobes?

4. Being in the Midwest. Yes, Minnesota is the greatest state in the Midwest, simply because Iowa is corny (bad pun), the Dakotas really need to be only one state, Chicago, Illinois has two teams named after the same animal (Bears, Cubs…lame!!!), and Wisconsin…well, we all know about the Packers…and the Brewers….and the basketball team, whose name is escaping me right now. Minnesotans…Conceded???

5. The Minnesota Twins and Vikings. Yes, the best part of Minnesota. A team that celebrates our rich Scandinavian heritage (though I’ve heard the Vikings are originally from Denmark), and the team that celebrates the simple fact that the two biggest cities in the state are right next to each other. The Twins won two World Series, 1987 and 1991 and have come so close since then…go them!!! The Vikings…..ummm, I’ll get back to you on that. Minnesotans….mildly depressed or in denial???

Is college worth it??

Tuition:

$3,000-$30,000 a semester, depending on school

Books:

$7-$700

Backpack:

$15

Having a screwed up back for the rest of your life because that’s how you get educated:

Priceless!!!

My first real youtube-worthy performance

This is a video I made as a project for my German class last semester

Upon Realization

“UPON REALIZATION”

By

Jay Jorgenson

FADE IN:

EXT. ALLEY BEHIND BAR – NIGHT

ADAM stands in alley by wall, smoking a cigarette. MUSIC from inside the bar can be faintly heard, but still somewhat inaudible.

(SOUND OF STEEL DOOR CLOSING)

JARED, a young man in about his mid-twenties, enters and stands next to Adam. Jared starts searching pockets for a cigarette, but finds none.

JARED

(Checking all pockets)

Hey, you got a cigarette I can bum

off you? I think I left mine at

home?

ADAM

(pulling out cigarettes)

Yeah, sure, man. I hope you like

these. Not many people do

JARED

(Taking cigarette)

These are actually the kind I

usually smoke.

(Offers hand to shake)

…Jared.

ADAM

(Takes Jared’s hand and shakes)

Adam. You from around here?

JARED

Yea, I’ve lived here for a while now.

I come to this bar quite often, lots

of people to see. I’ve never seen you

before. You new?

ADAM

I just moved in a few blocks away a

couple of weeks ago. This is my

first time here, it looked inviting.

JARED

It’s kind of a dead-end town. I know

much everyone in town. You should be

seeing tumble weed rolling by soon.

(LAUGHS)

ADAM

(LAUGHING uncomfortably to humor Jared)

Have you lived here your whole life?

JARED

Naw! I once lived out by D.C. for a while.

That was a long time ago. I think I was

About five-ish when we came here.

ADAM

(surprised)

D.C.? That’s a helluva move from there to

Tenney, Minnesota. Why did you move here?

JARED

(pauses for a moment and looks up)

Well, my dad was a politician all those

years ago. A real big-wig on Capitol Hill,

(turns to Adam)

ya know?

(pauses for another moment, sighs)

But one day, he was speaking in front of

A big group of people in Philadelphia,

when an assassin gunned him down. The

secret service moved my mom and I out

here.

ADAM

(shocked)

Whoa! I’m sorry to hear that. I kinda

regret asking.

JARED

(laughs a little)

It’s cool. I guess we just got a little

too comfortable here in Tenney and

never left.

(Bottle BREAKS inside bar, YELLING)

JARED

(snubs out cigarette)

Dammit! I better get in there before

things get out of hand.

ADAM

Alright, I’ll be seeing you around, I

suppose.

(Adam goes back to smoking, when CLAYTON, an older man, joins him)

CLAYTON

You’re new here, aren’t you?

ADAM

(Somewhat surprised, caught off guard)

Yea! What tipped you off?

CLAYTON

(somewhat proud)

I’ve got my sources.

(pulls out cigarette and lights it)

What’s your story?

ADAM

Well, I just moved here a few weeks

ago. I’m working in the next town at

an insurance firm, but I’m thinking

of starting my own right here. You

got a job?

CLAYTON

No. I’m happily retired. I used to

work for the government.

ADAM

Were you a postal worker?

CLAYTON

No, I worked with the CIA, but now

that I told ya, I’m gonna have to

kill you.

(both laugh)

Actually, my job was slightly more

than a cushy desk job. I was into

“protecting the government from

itself”.

ADAM

(puzzled)

Protecting the government from itself?

CLAYTON

Let’s just say they hired me for my

sharpshooting skills?

ADAM

(shocked)

Wait, so were a sniper? Are they gonna

come and kill me now? Are you sure you

should be telling me this? I don’t even

know you.

CLAYTON

It’s alright. I ain’t got much time

left anyways. I figure that a perfect

stranger would be a good person to

let it all out.

ADAM

(Sorrowfully)

Alright, I guess I got the time? Tell

me what’s on your mind.

CLAYTON

I’ve had to pick off dozens of people.

Anywhere from regular Joes to

politicians, native and foreign. I

never regret any of them, except for

one.

ADAM

(Snickering)

Anyone I might know?

CLAYTON

You would have been pretty young, I

imagine. The only problem with the

kill is that it was a mistake. He

wasn’t my target. I got some really

bad info.

ADAM

Wow! That sucks.

CLAYTON

I found out later he had a wife and

kid. I’ve spent years trying to find

them, but I imagine that the secret

service moved them and changed their

name. I’m at the end of my rope.

(Door SLAMS, Jared enters)

JARED

Clayton! How you doing old man?

CLAYTON

I’ve seen better days, ya putz.

(both laugh)

JARED

I see you’ve met my neighbor,

Clayton.

ADAM

(puzzled)

You could say that. He just kind

of popped up out of nowhere, more

or less.

JARED

Yeah, he does that to me too.

CLAYTON

When you gonna come over and rake

up all those leaves and fix up my

garage.

JARED

When you start paying me the big

bucks. (laughs)

ADAM

How long have you been neighbors?

JARED

It’s been, oh I don’t know…how

long has it been now.

CLAYTON

Just over 12 years, I suppose.

JARED

Yea that seems about right. 12 years

ago. I’m going to head back in and

start cleaning up.

(Jared goes back into the bar)

ADAM

(Looks at Clayton)

What did you mean earlier you are

almost at the end of your rope?

CLAYTON

Well kid, I look at it this way

I have done some pretty bad things

In my time and I guess I have to

Pay for it. I have Cancer and the

Doc gave me 3 months to live.

ADAM

I’m sorry man. When did you say

you assassinated the wrong guy?

CLAYTON

(puzzled)

Close to 20 years ago. Why?

ADAM

Have you ever talked to Jared about

his dad?

CLAYTON

Not directly. I talked to his mom

About it, but she said that Jared

was too young to remember. Some

kind of accident or something.

I’ve never gotten into conversation

with him about it. What are you

getting at?

ADAM

I think you may have found you’re

“lost child”.

CLAYTON

(uncomfortable laugh)

You’re joking. You’re not saying…

(pauses)

Oh, my God! That makes sense.

He’s the right age, looks just like

him. How could I have not seen it?

ADAM

I don’t know, but it might be time

to talk Jared, and talk to him about

it. It might not even be what

happened, but at least you tried.

I gotta go.

(Adam leaves)

CLAYTON

(Doesn’t move for a moment)

I can’t believe it. Hey, Jared!

(leave scene)

(FADE OUT)

Take Away his Nobel!!!

Al Gore won a Nobel Peace Prize for his work on “global warming” in the past few years.  As far as Minnesota is concerned, global warming still has yet to set in the fair land of 10,000 lakes.  This is actually one of the coldest winters on record, especially since El Nino struck back in the late 90’s.

El Nino made our temperature fairly warm (that’s above freezing for us here) and a lack of snow.  The past few years, we’ve had high temperatures until January, then a blizzard, and in Febuary came ridiculously cold temperatures, then about six or seven more blizzards until spring rolled in.  This winter, we have had more snow than my small brain can remember.  We’ve also been rollercoastering up and down in temperature for the past two months, going from 38 down to -7 easily over night.  This may sounds like whining, and if you think so, then you suck.

Al Gore actually possesses a machine that is capable of changing weather patterns and climates, and after he won his Nobel, he decided to turn it off.  Now, global warming doesn’t exist.  That dirty rat.

Proof that psychics are real

This is pretty much proof that psychics are real…thanks Kenny!

An Explanation.

    When someone signs on to the great website known as Youtube, one can’t help but spend several hours, gazing into a computer screen, drooling like a helpless moron.  The problem with said drooling is that it can manage to make your time do do stuff, well….drooly.  Most people think it has something to do with the fact that one video references another, so must check out another video that references something else.  This can go on for hours, or even days if you have nothing better to do.

But here is a new theory, published only right here, instead of somewhere that’s actually important.  Html coding is used to make a website better, right?  Well that is what at play here.  There is a secret code, embedded in each video, that has managed to create a fifth dimensional tear(for those of you that don’t know what the fifth dimension is, it’s time and space).  This code was made by the CIA for brainwashing originally, but a geek hacker named Herman managed to crack the code.  He then sold the code to three former-paypal employees, who in turn killed Herman.

The code is known by these three and the CIA only.  Paypal was created by the CIA anyways.  Youtube became an epidemic that has forced several hours of homework, cleaning time, work, and pretty much anything else used in time to become completely obsolete.

Soon, God will end up on Youtube.  He’s already created a myspace account, as seen here:

Now you will watch youtube eternally until the end of time.

First post and a weird thought.

So, this is my first post in this blog and I decided to start off simple.  College costs a lot of money, ergo, it isn’t for everyone.  But, the state insists on making it easier for people to go.  As of right now, more than 50% of high school graduates will head off to college.  This poses 3 questions:

1) How is the state getting money for this and how well is it being used?

2) What will happen the job market in a few years?

3)  What about good ol’ manual labor?

I have found answer to these questions, or so I believe.  The answer to Numero Uno is the state is using our tax money to send kids to college.  They have actually managed to back step, and take money away from regular k-12 public schools and give it to colleges for the people that are to attend it.  I am one, so I think it’s great, but I also came from a high school where my lunches everyday cost about as much as a gallon of gas.  That, and are text books were printed on papyrus and was written in hieroglyphics.  Jesus probably read the same “Modern History of Our World” when he was learning.  I thought I saw his name in there.

This next paragraph will answer 2 and 3.  The job market for college graduates is a high paying job and almost immediate placement in a job.  This is seriously gonna stop in the next few years, except with lawyers…you could always use more, since everyone sues somebody daily.  This concept was brought to up by my GED-wielding friend Sean.  Manual labor is losing its touch with America, and since the job security is so shaky in such a job, nobody wants that.  Cheaper labor is usually found in areas just south of the American border or across the ocean.  Soon, all the high paying, non-laborous jobs will be paying top dollar for their workers and corporate America will be eating from our hands.  It’s a good thing I know how to run a folder.

So, kids, all-in-all, college isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.